Glutomancy

Fat Magick Do I look fat in this? It’s all about food.

Evolution is just getting better at getting stuff to eat, and not being stuff to eat. Every living thing is really a mouth, frantically chewing and crying out for more. Humans have clawed their way to the top of the food chain, the biggest religion ritually eats God once a week. Hunger and the fear of hunger is the fundamental driving force behind every action, every evolution. In the most advanced and evolved society in the world, for the first time in evolution, there’s a true abundance of glorious food. In ten million fast food joints and all-you-can-eat buffets, the pinnacles of human development choke down billions of tonnes of reconstituted burgers and fried chicken, the irresistible force of evolution made manifest as an insatiable desire for more. Those who diet are scared of the future, of the ultimate destiny of humanity. The future is flab. Evolution brought us to the golden arches, and through those arches, humanity will enter a deep-fried cholesterol Nirvana.

And the Glutomancers, the mages of over-eating, will make it there first.

Glutomancy began sometime in the middle of the century, but its existence as a fully-fledged school wasn’t remarked upon in the Occult Underground until the mid-sixties. Glutomancers tend to be fairly unpopular – it takes a worrying mix of greed and twisted ambition to willingly warp one’s body. There are Glutomancers without a bad bone in their body, but even they lick their lips in that peculiar and unpleasant way singular to the Fatsos.

Glutomancy’s stomping grounds are the fast-food restaurants, and rumours of a hidden magickal alliance or war with Mak Attak are common. Anorexiamancy is probably an offshoot of this school (and those in the know whisper of the House of Renunciation in hushed tones).

Generate a Minor Charge: Eat at least two “normal” sized meals at a single sitting. You get more charges per extra meal, so eating two normal means gleans one charge, a meal three times normal yields two charges etc.

Generate a Significant Charge: Eat the last of the food in any location, so that others go hungry. The victims of this charge harvesting must go hungry for at least 24 hours. Alternatively, win an eating contest with at least a dozen other contestants. Alternatively, eat food needed by someone, such as medicine or a meal destined for a starving man. Alternatively, eat a living thing of at least cat-size.  Generate a Major Charge: Eat a human being in a ritual manner.

Taboo: Lose weight. The Glutomancer must weigh slightly more each dusk than he did at dawn. Glutomancers tend to own several very sensitive weighing scales. It doesn’t matter how much weight the Glutomacer gains, as long as it is perceptible by the scales. Glutomancy spells cannot be used to affect this result. If a Glutomancer does not perform this weighing each day, he loses 10% from his Glutomancy skill per day.

Random Magic domain: Food, and the Glutomancer’s own body (although Glutomancer effects should be two to three times more costly than Epidermomancy).

Blast Style: Glutomancers have no Blast.  Starting Charges: Glutomancers start with three minor charges and an appetite.

Glutomancy minor spells

Sword Swallowing: This spell allows the Glutomancer to eat pretty much anything and regurgitate it later on. The adept can swallow knives, wallets, handguns – anything that fits in his mouth. The spell will keep the item fairly intact, and the item can be coughed up at any time. This spell costs 1 minor charge. For more charges, the mage can store progressively larger items. There are rumours of a Glutomancer who had swallowed a motor scooter for fast escapes, and another is said to keep an Unspeakable Servant in his stomach.

Big Man: The Glutomancer’s sheer bulk gives him inhuman strength. He may use this spell and a minor charge to swap his Glutomancy skill for any body or struggle check, and may flipflop the result.

Floating Fat Man: With this spell, the Glutomancer may momentarily free his mass from the jealous bounds of gravity. For the duration of this spell, the Glutomancer moves as if gravity was about one sixth of normal (about equal to that of the Moon). He may make great leaps, climb walls, move with some measure of alacrity. The spell costs 1 minor charge, plus one charge per round of duration.

Body bag: Thanks to this spell, the Glutomancer’s fat acts as body armour. Reduce all damage taken this round to hand-to-hand damage. Costs 1 minor charge.  Remorseless Eating Machine: The Glutomancer may heal himself rapidly. By eating a meal and spending a minor charge, he heals an amount of damage equal to the sum of the dice. The wounds are closed and the lost points of damage are restored, but the spell replaces wounded muscles and tissue with blubbery flesh. The Glutomancer permanently loses a number of points of body equal to the lower of the two dice, and a number of speed points equal to the higher die.

I’m not fat, I’m big-boned: Glutomancy changes the body into something other than human. This spell allows the adept to momentarily return to a less bloated shape. When this spell is cast, the Glutomancer quite literally sucks in his gut. He is transformed into a slim and fit version of himself. Skilled Glutomancers may also use this spell to alter their appearance more significantly. The adept may not cast spells or gain charges while this spell is in effect, and will break taboo if the spell kept active until weigh-in.  Top of the Food Chain: The victim of this spell momentarily perceives that they are about to be eaten by the Glutomancer. The target takes a rank-4 fear check. The spell costs 1 minor charge.

Glutomancy significant spells:

Play with your food: This bizarre and alarming spell allows the Glutomancer to animate any foodstuffs or ingredients within eyeshot. The animated food forms itself into some sort of body, and may be commanded to attack or perform any action of which it is capable. The foes of Glutomancers have been smothered by viscous pancakes or strangled by deranged things made entirely out of vegetables. The spell costs 1 or more significant charges, depending on the amount of food animated. A single charge can animate everything in the average kitchen. The spell lasts for as long as the Glutomancer concentrates on it, although an extra charge can be spent to maintain the spell for 1d10 rounds without the presence of the mage.

The Blob: Fat is soft. Fat oozes. Glutomancers can make the rest of their body follow fat’s lead. The Glutomancer may turn his entire form into soft, gooey, half-melted fat. In this form, he is immune to hand-to-hand damage, and firearms damage is reduced to hand-to-hand. Fire and blast spells still work. The mage may flow through small gaps like liquid, and may engulf people and digest them (the mage gains an Engulf Messily skill equal to half his struggle spell while in Blob form). This spell costs 4 significant charges.

Eat What’s Put In Front Of You: The Glutomancer can eat anything with this spell. Rocks. Poison. Spam. Demons. Magick Charges. Souls. As long as it can be put on a plate between two burger buns and served with fries, he can eat it. This spell works like Soul Sipping (Dipsomancy).

Centre of Mass: The sheer bulk of the Glutomancer now overcomes the laws of physics. Centre of Mass lets the adept redirect gravity around him. He may make himself the centre of attraction, pin others to the floor, make things fall upwards, collapse buildings, or create a whirlwind of shifting gravitational forces. He may reduce gravity to nothing, or increase it. The spell costs 3 significant charges to alter gravity, and an extra charge per 2 Gravities. Thus, for 7 significant charges, the Glutomancer can crush those around him with 8Gs of pressure. The spell lasts for a few rounds (1 to 10), depending on how much the adept alters gravity.

Eat Enough For Two: This potent rite allows the Glutomancer to bud off small portions of his flab, which then form into homunculi or bizarre child-like things. The spell costs 4 significant charges, and the adept must sacrifice a number of body points to represent the flesh being torn from his body. The children are almost as intelligent as their “parent”, and can use any of his skills except Glutomancy. The childrenhave Mind equal to the adept’s Mind, Body equal to the number of Body points expended in their casting, Speed equal to twice their body, and no Soul. The children look like starved children with oddly slick and rubbery skin. They will follow the commands of their “parent”, but tend to be attuned to the “parent’s” darker desires. Left uncontrolled, they make… messes. The children are always hungry. The adept may merge the children back into his body by spending a minor charge. The children don’t normally resist going back home…

Glutomancy Major Spells: End (or start) a famine, starve someone to death with a glance, change your body completely, alter gravity enough to slow time or momentarily create a black hole.

Copyright Gar, posted on the UA official website July 22, 2002